i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
