I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
