i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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