you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's the barista slut.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
