just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
