I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
