Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
be right there i have to get my cape
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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