I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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