There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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