My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's get the cat blown out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
