Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
