did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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