It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
