I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
