"it" just moved
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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