ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
