i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this boner is exhausting
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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