I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
