I CAN MOONWALK!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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