Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
