I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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