he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
