the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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