there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
