We're facebook friends in real life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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