Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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