I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
