im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
