cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
