I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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