dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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