A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
