I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
