There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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