Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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