I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
