I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
