Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize