She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
