I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
