Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
