everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
