So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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