You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize