Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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