I want to have your abortion
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
