In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
