I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
