Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
