i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
