The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
