it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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