I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize