i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
