She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
