as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
