You're my little dorito
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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