If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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