I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
