tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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