I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
