I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
