Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
