her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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