Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
