you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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