Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
