His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
