I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
