He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize