you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize