physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
