I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
