I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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