she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
