she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
