Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
