Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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