haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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