it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
