That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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