I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
