i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Acid is not a monday night drug
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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