no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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