I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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