i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
