Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
should my penis look like a turkey
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
