you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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