the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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