my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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