We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
