left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize