yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
