i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
