Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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