He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
