A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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