My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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