i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
