I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
