and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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