Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
