Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize