Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
