Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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