I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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