drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize